King of Swords 7-68
Chapter: 7
“The touch of a sword handle is the deadliest poison known to man. It settles in, deeper than the bone, instantaneously. It is a deep curse that can never be lifted and will last you the rest of your days.”
– Ryo-ten-Ryam
I thought this was it. I’m sorry, Cio, you fell for someone who can’t help but put herself in harm’s way.
You could say Cio is getting her wish. She is becoming human. Caring about someone else is part of it.
Tell that to Preem Aesma
Even Preem Aesma fell in love.
Even Preem Aesma fell in love…
Cio’s comments here could be read as more of the same selfishness she’s displayed in the past. “I’m safe.” “I’m happy.”
Allison’s well-being comes up… But it’s several steps down the line.
Ciao still has a ways to go in the character development department, it seems.
Don’t sell Cio short, Preem Minigendo. Even before she says “I’m safe,” she says “for once in my blasted life, I’m not hurting anyone.” For Cio to say that means that she is showing concern everyone who isn’t herself. That shows an *extreme* amount of character development for a devil.
Yeah Cio is trying so hard its not selfish to want u and ur loved ones to be safe
The key to changing a malignant personality, is recognizing that those old habits will always be waiting for you to come back, and finding a way to live that gives them no purchase.
The moment you say, ” I’m in a better place; I can handle this now,” you have begun to fall.
That’s why the suicide rates are so high among the few psychologists who still accept BPD patients.
Citation please
The spam filter eats me whenever I link anything, but basically it is a highly treatable illness, but until recently was not considered to be curable at all.
The prognosis has improved a lot in the last two years, but BPD patients are usually very frustrating to care for.
People get treatment and feel better, so they decide that they’re cured and stop treatment. They don’t seek treatment again until their symptoms get really bad, because one of those symptoms is an inability to admit they were wrong.
Oof! Yeah, this fucked me up for a minute, as someone who’s finally considering using their psych degree and qualifying in clinical, for the specific reason that they want to run DBT on patients with borderline/CPTSD/emotional regulation difficulties. Can you talk about the context around what you said? For you personally, or in general.
Borderline personalities tend to clash with, well everyone, which includes their mental health professionals. While current techniques like DBT have helped the prognosis, you can still expect your partings with those patients who don’t respond to treatment to be as dramatic and bombastic as they can manage.
Since most have to churn through a couple of psych professionals people before they find one who manages to “click” and establish the rapport to move forward, you’ll see a lot of patients who show up for their first few sessions, bawl you out and call you a failure, and then disappear.
New statistical models indicate that most just (but not all) keep trying until they find the right person to help them. Before we started to collate that data, people looked at the fact that they were doing intake for these patients, and 4/5 of them left in a few weeks to give you bad word-of-mouth, and decided that BPD patients were a great way to lose money without helping anyone.
You should take comfort in the knowledge that even if you manage to puncture a BPD patient’s thin skin, before they trust you enough to stick it out, most of them do find the help they need, eventually.
If you lose focus on that, you can look at those 80~% of your patients who storm out of your office,never to be seen again, or the copious amount of your patients who relapse a couple years down the line, and start to feel like you’re wasting your life.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Even if the “lost” patients weren’t going to seek treatment elsewhere. (and most will)
Even if the relapsed patients didn’t eventually get back into treatment, and start over from square one. (and most will)
If you can give just a fraction of your patients back to their families and communities, it’s worth it. We don’t have your training. We can’t do this without you.
Yeah, they’ll relapse again. And again. But if we can just have a normal human relationship with the people we love for a few years, or even a few months, it’s worth all the pain and frustration of watching them fall back and start over, again and again and again.
Without people like you, people like me would have no hope.
Thank you.
Godspeed.
Thanks for this, gives me something to look into… I realize self-diagnosis is rarely accurate, but I’ve been going through some shit lately and I can tick too many of the boxes in the descriptions of BPD to ignore it…
Yeah, you want professional help with that.
There’s a whole world of cluster B personality disorders.
as a BPD patient, true healing *is* realizing you’re in a better place and understanding the reasoning behind your behaviors/learning how to regulate them. at its core, BPD is about dysregulation — of emotions, of the sense of self, of the choices one makes.
it’s only with immense self discipline — whether that’s taught through self help (as i was), CBT/DBT, or any other method — that the dysregulation becomes something you can regulate.
ego death helps reset the disordered ego. killing the narrative sets the tone for a healthier one.
and i helped myself because i was tired of the savior complex so many in this profession give off. you’re not helping starving exploited children of color in a third world dictatorship, you’re dealing with ego/parental bond issues that have been internalized since childhood. they’re common and easy to fix with the right choices.
PS: “inability to admit they’re wrong” is a NPD symptom, not a BPD one. intense anger issues/reckless behaviors/feelings of emptiness/unstable sense of self/mood swings/fear of abandonment/unstable relationships/self harming/dissociation issues are not an “inability to admit wrongdoing”.
Wow, some of what you said here has me very intrigued!
What exactly do you mean when you mention ego-death? Is one of the regulatory techniques to fully pull back from all perceived problems/interests/goals and start over with a fresh emotional slate?
Also, does intense self-reflection play a role in regulation? I remember learning to scrutinizing my thoughts and read my own behaviour patterns to spot when the brain goblin was tampering with things, but that was for PTSD/MADD, both of which (I’ve been lead to believe) aren’t as ever-present or deep-rooted as BPD.
It’s an interesting question.
If you enjoy helping others, or don’t enjoy hurting others, is helping / not hurting others an act of altruism, or of self-gratification?
Cio’s comments indicates that she’s happy not hurting others, which implies that she doesn’t like hurting others (backed up by her current persona’s discomfort at remembering the actions of Yabalchoath).
But I don’t think the case can be made that she’s generally concerned with the well-being of everyone. Untold trillions are currently suffering under the demiurges, and here she’s refusing the call to oppose one of them because it would discomfort her. Allison, she cares about, but everyone else…
When I said she still had a ways to go in terms of character development, I simply meant that while she has changed, this is likely not her final state.
Altruism doesn’t have to be the same as self-denial. If you take game theory, it suggests that the best systems are ones in which the best option for the individual is the one which is also the best option for the group. We should aim to make altruism the selfish option, in our worlds.
Or Objectivism, which naively assumes that the universe is such a world by default, and we need not aim to build such a one.
Objectivism also relies on EVERYONE agreeing to live by its values, which makes it one of those hypothetical mindsets that can’t ever work in a real, none-absolutist world. Same goes for its opposite, collectivism.
In general, I think rigidity is the enemy of this flavour of philosophy. We’re all too prone to declaring “THIS is how things should be!” or “THIS is the way things are!”
But if course if everything could be solved with an easily-summarized philosophy, we would’ve tried it by now.
That rather assumes that Cio going would make an appreciably net positive difference in said untold trillions’ lives.
It’s a rather tenuous assumption to my mind; quite aside from whether the outcome of this Gambit will change with her absence, Allison is not presently aiming for administration of Solomon’s territories… Making it quite likely that, in the *obscenely* unlikely event that neither Gog-Agog nor the other demiurges have an interest in said territories, they will almost certainly continue as they have, with some underling or administrator more-or-less taking command.
When you are a psychotic criminal mastermind, made of evil slime, mental self care is the highest priority, if you want to accomplish any kind of altruism.
You’re describing being human pretty well. Truth is no one ever does anything for anyone else. All human action is selfish. Whether to feel better about yourself or get/keep something for yourself. Altruism is a myth.
The trick is that intentions are irrelevant. Good or bad, they don’t matter. All that matters are the consequences. If you do good for the wrong reasons it’s identical to doing good because you deluded yourself into believing you were being selfless.
“How to Spot a Sociopath”
Meh. They’re not necessarily wrong. To paraphrase (pre-crazy) Richard Dawkins, altruism makes rational sense if you look at it from the perspective of the human genome attempting to propagate itself. Even if you have no direct blood relation to whoever you choose to help, by assisting a fellow human, you’re still working for the benefit of the species as a whole.
From that perspective, maybe the greatest altruism we’re capable of isn’t when we help ourselves, but other species entirely.
It’s not even that she “can’t help it” – as long as Allison carries that power she will be drawn into violence. Poor Cio will need a better answer to Yabalchoath than denial.
Congratulations, Cio!
You turned her into a hero.
But the prophecy? There has to be an angel and a devil at the side of the chosen one
Princess Is A Devil No?
K I L L B O S S could also return.
KILLBOSS seemed to have more sense than to meddle in fights at that level. You never hear about the guys who say “Fuck that noise, I want to keep my skin in one piece!”
The less you fight the longer you live
She will likely come back to join in the prophecy fun.
She will definetly end up going at the last moment and doing something stupidly heroic for Allison.
And she’ll rise to exuberant Red while doing it.
Given her reversion in the vault, one wonders if she ever really stopped being Ebon, even with her extra names.
It does beg the question, doesn’t it? How much of a change does she gather beneath that bluish hue? Does it matter more than a mask worn by a human? Does she truly care, or has she dedicated to the mask for her own safety?
… woah, this waifu always makes me wonder deep questions. I need a beer. Do as thou wilt and so and such. THIS ONE’S ON ME FELLERS
The same prophecy says the chosen one is supposed to be male, but…
Yes. People are so in love with prophecies that they forget that reality is a lie, told by a highly unreliable being.
Yet they expect consistency? There will only be enough consistency to bring the deception into sharp focus.
It could still be true, remember the entire reason the boy was taken, and the reason Allison got her powers. It was due to interference. Honestly, I’m just scared for Allison her powers could be stolen and given to Zaid by force. I doubt he would steal them himself, as at least he does seem concerned for her well being, (based on what little we have seen by him) but simply being too weak to do anything or believing himself to be too weak at least.
Pretty sure Word of God states that while Jadis has perfect knowledge of everything, interpreters don’t necessarily translate exactly.
ohhhh noooooo 🙁
While I feel for our devil friend, emotional availability could also be helpful right now.
Yeah that’s been bugging me since the reveal that they became a couple during the time skip. While cio has had some character development she still feels very emotionally distant towards Allison
There are some goods for which one can only pay with time. I attempt not to traffick in them. When they go bad, they go BAD.
A note.
I can feel what you guys are saying, and I presume Allison has had a million times a bud of this conversation with her, but the wording here could, SHOULD be better. This “THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU” is
maybe not the best?
I mean, what do I know, I just handle crazy drunk people when they’re angry, sad or angrysad in parties, man.
I understand what you are saying too, and I apologize if my comment came across in a “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU” way because that wasn’t my intention. Back on pages 39-40 Allison specifically said that Cio wanted to keep their relationship casual and then after Allison confided her anxieties with Cio, Cio called her whiny. And I’m sorry but her going from that to her attitude and actions her on this page annoys me a bit. Now I’m hoping this leads to both of them having some character development and their relationship actually becoming more supportive and healthy.
Then again, demons look like the part of YISUN that always was self-destructive by default, so…
But what about the fanfiction?
It needs its author!
I also would not want to participate in rescuing the ex of my current lover, especially if it meant current lover was going to be placed in danger.
Well, one cannot forget what happened the last time she got involved, specially since that involvement was not completely what she wanted. And while the end of the heist was a positive one for our protagonists, it came with no small amount of sorrow
Oh goody. Obviously Cio will be going along, eventually, and this is just the sort of situation that might bring out her inner Yabalchoath again.
All hail Yabalchoath!
All hail the !FUN! !
Do we have a Urist here?
An !!Urist!!
Baystation , with its clumsy scientists always dropping dangerous spontaneously flammable substances after slipping on banana peel. For some mysterious , obscure , unexplainable reason always trying to space burning clown after that. Great times , great times , oh yes.
Would you guys let your partner leave to save her ex or rather pseudo-ex while it would mean putting her in live/death situation constantly? I can understand Cio here, she finally has peace and is happy in it and she doesn’t want for this to get destroyed.
Being married to a soldier chick while I’m just a humble IT guy makes me a complete wreck whenever she goes to an international mission and I don’t have a contact with her for longer time.
But I know I can’t really stop her and demand she gave up her choosen career she likes to do just cause I’m not liking it and would want more safe settled life. Either that or finding a new wife which I can’t imagine now.
I feel for Cio.
I’m happy too, Cio.
…I’m happy too.
~Kawai
No Cio no! you must become the action girl
“Samura is a myth”
-one who was purported to be very wise(and also kind of a dick)
Ordinarely I’d conjure some prose in pretense of being part of your universe Abbadon.
But as a wounded soul, I have to say you truly captured a great many aspects of weeping- and sorrow.
I have nothing left to add but key-strokes and tears.
Thank you for what you do.
The Angels, godkin. white cold flame cast to the void.
The Servants, white flame shaped in dark heat, forged for one purpose.
The Flame, unshaped. Formless hunger cast into the void.
Humanity, the mistake. The Hungry hot flame forged in cold fires. The inheritors.
It the irony that Aesma’s mistake is the only creation capable itself of creation. Likened to both her creators, it takes the remnants of the hot flame and applies them to the first failures. Forging, perhaps for the first time, something both new and wonderful.
Witness the successor to Yis and Un. Witness the children of Koss and Aesma. Witness the rebirth, or the final fall of the multiverse.
By their influence, the very flames transcend.
Not by corruption. By acts of own will.
White flame, seeking change. Resolved to shape what IS.
Black flame, seeking constancy. Turning from what IS.
When the Devil King allowed Cio to go on the Yre raid, he bet that they would fail and the penalty for Cio would be death. He lost that bet, right? Or did he? I feel like Cio has earned her retirement, but I doubt it will last.
He can’t exactly claim they didn’t take gold from the vault.
They flooded the city with it.
i suspect everyone of worms at this point
Paranoia would be fun . . but Gog-Agog makes people happy. Forever constantly happy , never crying , only from joy maybe . So worms pretty much excluded.
Poor Cio. She’s found comfort, she knows it probably can’t last but she can’t stand to risk it.
Safe? You just got doorstepped by Gog-Agog! YOU ARE NOT SAFE.
Oh , shush ! You always safe with your pal Gog-Agog ! Ask anyone who eated worm – they all feel totally safe and happy. And you can too ! Just eat the worm , and the fun will never ends ! Its safe , all Gog-Agog experts agree ! Safety also confirmed by independent research of Gog-Agog and Gog-Agog of Gog-Agog institute ! By eating worm you also helping poor Gog-Agog of developing worlds ! All worms are GMO free , fed on free range humans and contain only 100% ecological Gog-Agog !
Reduce your carbon footprint to near zero today – eat the worm ! Gog-Agog is THE way to go green !
What an absolutely fantabulous deal! Why, it’d be a crime NOT to eat the worm!
…Literally, in about 604 known worldly jurisdictions (precedent established by ruling of Supreme Justice Gog-Agog in the landmark case of Gog-Agog, Gog-Agog, & co. v. Smith.)
On one hand, I love Cio and want her to go with Allison
but on another, I want her to have the peace and calm she has now and in a way, I’d like to see her stay true to her word of not going
Is anyone really surprised that demons make terrible girlfriends?
I feel for Cio. She wants her happily ever after.
But Kings (and their lovers) only get that in stories.
Love that Emotional Zoom-in Portrait of Cio in tears.
Cio’s character arc is remarkable and deserves a poem of sorts.
Flame of Yis / Song of Cio
A Daughter of Black Flame,
Climbs Perilous Paths to Power,
Pale to Blue to Red
onto Green and Gold.
Ho ! WITNESS !
See She achieved the Ebon Summit
And Dared to reach for MORE.
( Consume, Grow, Grasp ! )
“You Gasp ? It’s my NATURE !”
To STEAL DRAGON BALLS
-or a Dragon’s Steel balls
was unnecessary..
Quite contrary –
You see -Slip inside she did
the Forbidden Fortress of Yre.
Thwarting traps, devices, Monsters,
Guardians, She the EXCEPTIONAL THIEF,
Sipped the power DIVINE
“OH -SWEETER THAN WINE !”
-from the dragon’s brow
whilst he slept troubled dreams.
Acquiring powers beyond belief did She.
Then slipped out again into Throne.
Her enemies -she gutted, cut to the bone.
Glorying in Power, Drunk with Success,
Each hour a revelry. Mastery she thought – Endless !
From this Pinnacle – she fell.
PUSHED by all Threatened by her Maddened Might,
Himself, The Heretic’s Court, the Concordant Harmonies,
her downtrodden serfs and slaves.
The Wrath of Mammon and his Priests of the Count.
All Conspired to Break her Power, Smash her mask,
Banishing this Black Flame unto the Void.
A time later, summoned back again
to the tumbling chaos of Throne
by her sphinxian consort,
much reduced, and greatly humbled.
This daughter of black flame considered all lost,
all gained.
“Nay – No more for me the Path of Conquering Devouring Power !”
Not for blood, or souls,
I renounce this Pit of beasts !
Let me toil away – a Secretary be
– and take refuge solely in dreams.”
Tho devils sleep not,
her dreams of human lives,
her dreams of human ties,
grew and grew,
watered by her tears.
So How Unexpected to meet,
One who is so Clueless and so Sweet.
“She tempts me so…
Oh if ONLY…”
Though she could see what a RIDICULOUS
Muddle/Quest this Silly Vacuous GIRL –
( “Oh – her chest !” )
-Had fallen into.
“Nay -tis IMPOSSIBLE.
She be dead or devoured, within a week.
Throne be no place for the meek.”
“And do I Dare – TAKE that Key ?”
Drew back from that Ultimate Temptation
she did. Though Some think she but waits.
Through bared fangs Carnifex spat at her,
“It was Always Thy Fashion to Take by Treachery.”
Drawn to the Girl,
Tempted by Fate,
To find a new path
She Dared.
Daring to guide, daring to confide,
Daring to follow, daring to go where she dared not.
Daring to fight, Daring to plan, Daring to lead,
Daring to get broken. Daring ‘gainst her own nature.
And being betrayed by that Girl
– Herself drunk on power,
broke her black flaming heart,
bringing forth a devil’s
Monstrous Self once again
– to MAIM AND KILL.
Thank Goodness for books filled with dreams,
and for a silly girl who’d carry a devils’ dreams
-even into a death trap dungeon.
DREAMS SAVE LIVES !
Escaping again -the fields of Ynamon,
with sacks of stolen guilders.
Thence making a home in the shell of UN-GORUN.
Drawing yet closer over a year spent together.
Scenes of domesticity in the Red City.
Allison trains and makes gains.
Cio Finds affection and tenderness,
( asking herself…is this happiness ? )
This tranquility existing in fragility.
Though she tried to say nought,
still she Knew – More Perils Ahead.
So Silly Alice – to speak of the Danger whilst abed,
kills Cio’s joy, Drains delight, Awakens fright.
Now Comest the moments of parting,
that all lovers and spouses fear.
When heroes strap on their armour
Taking up swords, shields and spears.
“We go the fields yonder -where battles are sure to be.
For lo – I am summoned to muster and promise made I will keep.
Think NOT that I Care Less for Thee.
For If I go not, who will Dare in my place ?
The place reserved for me ?
Allison,
Once a “normal girl” -a warrior now be she.
Stepping bravely into conflagration,
Not for cause, or faith, or nation,
Seeking to save one life,
Look !
-behind you leave a devil wife.
Fine work
(gentle smirk)
ma’ jerb’s bin terk
Devil wife needs Hug
These tears are tru for the lovely girl of blue
I cry
No more poetry
Hugs
Sigh. So much for “do as thou wilt.” It only works if you don’t care.
Even “Do as thou wilt,” Crowley ultimately decided that what he wilt was having healthy relationships with people he actually cared about.
He retired from hedonism and sorcerous conquest, to be a pretty ordinary grandfather.
Wash the salad free of silt
Sweep the home that you have built
Boil the leaves until they wilt